SOME BITS OF OLD ADS
WHICH HAVE BEEN HAUNTING DON COULDREY
(& LOTS OF OTHER PEOPLE)
FOR YEARS...
|
Very
incomplete, and probably very wrong, here's my (WITH GREAT
ASSISTANCE FROM OTHERS) memory back catalogue of 70s and 80s
New Zealand TV advertisements' jingles, slogans, etc. Get more go on Moro. RICE RISOTTO POST OFFICE HANDI BOXES The biscuit with flavour and XXXX to savour - (children chant: Shrewsberry) So hurry scurry... get your Schrewsberry now ... Dum-de-do Only Hudson's make Shrewsbury. GRIFFINS TOASTIE BISCUITS Griffins Toasties really make the grade. BIC'S LITTLE THINGS Big things needn't cost a lot, Some of the best things in life cost so little. Bic things never cost a lot You use them again and again: The pen that you write with, The lighter you light with, The shaver so quick - Another great bic. So pick the one that's right for you. The bic things in life cost so little! PINKY BARS Pinky bars are right on top. You're sure to like them because they've got Marshmello coated in chocolate too. Pinky is the bar for you. XXXX MEN'S CLOTHING (Husband to wife, on opening gift from her) Pyjamas? How useful! CITRIVITE The great taste vitamin C HALIBORANGE ... Bouncing Haliborange YELLOW PAGES - I've found it your Majesty - Where James? Where? Somewhere near Australia? - No, in the yellow pages. MILO Energy is all it takes, And that's the difference Milo makes. What a way to learn. Give the kid a turn. Enery to burn. It's marvellous what a difference milo makes. What a difference milo makes. Energy to burn. TERRITORIAL ARMY (funnily enough, to the tune of 'Born to be wild') Get your motor running, Get out on the highway. Looking for adventure, Or what ever comes our way. Territorial part-time soldiers. Doing more than a nine to five. Full share in a XXXXXX really coming alive. AIR FORCE We've joined the RNZAF, To build a sound career. To do a job and to play our part, Protecting what is dear. Airborne, we are airborne. Flying high like an eagle xxxx We're airborne. FRESH UP (with John Walker) It's got to be good for you JUST JUICE Pure fruit; Pure taste. LV MARTIN & SON It's the putting right that counts. And if it's not put right, theen ask for me: Alan Martin. LV Martin & Sons. Your Fisher & Paykel Dealer. SMURFS / BP BP's the one place on earth, you get service with a smurf. LISTERINE Mrs. XXX, she calls me flower, don't you sweetheart. It's the taste people hate - twice a day. WEEBLES Weebles wobble, but they don't fall down. XXX BRAND OF UNDERWEAR One day, you're gonna get caught. One day, you're gonna get caught. One day, you're gonna get caught with your pants down. SWARFEGA ...Printers' ink. Used sump oil... MILKY BAR The milky bar kid only eats what's right. Milky bar is creamy white. The creamiest milk. The whitest bar. The goodness that's in Milky Bar. Nestles milky bar. (& no hint of an accent on Nestlé's final e)
Sparkle sparkle sparkle Sparkle all the time Sparkle sparkle sparkle Sparkle all the time Yes we love to sparkle We love to shine We love to sparkle We sparkle all the time SWEETACRES MILKSHAKES Who likes milkshakes? We like milkshakes. Who loves milkshakes? We love milkshakes. Sweetacres milkshakes. Long lasting chewey milkshakes. TOYOTA You're so right, you're so right. You're so very very right. Toyota. CHESDALE CHEESE (with Ches & Dale) We are the boys from down on the farm We really know our cheese There's much better value in chesdale It really aims to please. Chesdale slices thinly Never crumbles There's no waste, And boy it's got a mighty taste. Chesdale Cheese. It's finest cheddar, made better. and another bit? It's smooth as silk Cos we use lots of milk.... Xxxxxxxxxx Chesdale's sure to please TREE TOPS Trees go up, and trees come down. Trees come in lots of colours (rainbows?) not just green and brown. Tree tops overhead and tree trunks down below Living in a tree is gonna make you say that Everybody living in a tree is OK C (with Candice Bergman?) C is playfully unpredictable. C is me. TWISTIES (?) Let's twist again like we did last summer.. GERARD ROOFING TILES [Singer -- John Rowles] Go for G,G,G,G,G,G,G,G,Gerard Go for Gerard and your roof is looking good. <woman:> John, that's a great roof! <JR:> Gerrard! KIWI BACON I love Mum because she brings home the bacon. xxx ...don't forget to bring home the bacon, Mum. VICTA LAWN MOWERS Zip on the do-da zip up and away. When it's a Victa it starts right away. Whether it's sunshine or whether it's rain, When mowing with Victa you'll zip through the day. CAN'T REMEMBER WHAT (the ad with the husband and wife in bed and she whispers to him...) You promised to paint the house today. LA-Z-BOY ARMCHAIRS (Sung by Ray Wolf and possibly Billy T James as well.) You can rock it, you can roll it, You can lock the rock and put your feet up. You can sit right back and really enjoy Your genuine la-z-boy. L'EGGS PANTYHOSE ?? There's my Mum - the one with the baggy pantyhose PEANUT EXTRA Peanut extra for miles of smiles. JOCKEY UNDERPANTS Jockey supported a whole lot of players. Jockey supported a number of us. Jockey's been seen in the best dressing rooms, And after in all the best restaurants. CAN'T REMEMBER AGAIN! "Fish for dinner, Jean?" "That was last night, Mum." "Some smells do linger." SNOWTEX TISSUES Don't carry your cold around in your pocket. PALMOLIVE SOAP Pamper it with Palmolive. Your nose, your XXX, your aching back. Your XXX, your face, your other place. \ SOME BANK'S PAYROLL SERVICES (With a guy walking down a street and his cash literally burning a hole in his pocket) TEFAL APPLIANCES (With a French woman and Kiwi woman - they correct each other's pronunciation) and it ends with... -Tefal from 'Zeep' -Tefal from 'Zip' CONTINENTAL SAVOURY RICE Not peas again... no-no-no Not pumpkin again... no-no-no Not salad again... no-no-no It's Continental Savoury Rice" Savory rice is awfully nice. It's got XXX peas and a tiny touch of spice. There's three different flavours, And you can make them in a thrice! Continental Savoury Rice.. TIP TOP TRUMPET 'I once bought an ice cream for a girl named Fay, Till Roger the bully stole them both away But now that I'm grown-up look what I've got - it's a trumpet Fay and it's made by Tip Top It's the finest ice cream that money can buy. It's got chocolate and nuts, six flavours to try. It's the treat for the big boys I told her, and then, and then... Oh lordy, it's Roger again! One day, Roger Fitch, one day...! TIP TOP CHOC BAR Made for chocolate lovers. Chocolate on the outside. Chocolate on the inside. Creamy vanilla and coconut, too YOPI YOGHURT Hello Mudda, hello Fadda How's my darling little brudda? Things are good here in Wainui, they got xxxx and a boy who's really screwy They got girls here and they hate me and I bet they'd never date me And the food here that they feed you, there's a xxxxx here who really really needs you Take me home oh Mudda Fadda, take me.... Wait a minute, they've got Yopi Boys are smiling, girls aren't stroppy Strawberry, chocolate and vanilla And a seat for me right next to Wendy Miller This stuff is creamy, this stuff is tasty I may have been a trifle hasty Sun is shining, gee that's better Mudda, Fadda kindly disregard this letter FORD TELSTAR When I drive, drive drive you You're my winning formula When I drive drive drive you're my star When I drive, drive drive you You're my winning formula When I drive drive drive you you're my Ford Telstar MALT & RYE CRACKERS (Western scene, 2 cowboys in hut) Malt. Rye. Hows the big smoke? Weird, They got automobiles. Automobiles? what size bullets do they take? ...And these. What for? For Eatin' [LOUD CRUNCH] What was that?! [Cut to the 2 having a gunfight with unseen others through window] Well Malt, we're famous at last. CONTINENTAL CUP OF SOUP What's yours Dad? BEEF LOTSA NOODLES What have you got? Lotsa noodles Yeah but what's it called? Lotsa noodles! SOMETHING OR OTHER?! (this one from a contributor, but not known to me, yet) colour me spectra - come what may colour me spectra - all the way colour me spectra - big and bold colour me spectra - hot and cold BATA BULLET SHOES Cap, shoes, Bata Bullets. BRITISH PAINTS (with Rolf Harris) Trust British Paints - Sure Can. (And I still do the hand-tap tin lid movements every time I paint!) LANDS FOR BAGS Where'd I get my bag? 'Lands for Bags', of course. LEMON & PAEROA It's Lemon and Paeroa weather, Time to get together. Long drinks, short drinks. You'll agree its sparkling L&P A FORGOTTEN BREAD COMPANY (With Tim Shadbolt?) We bake 'em here. We bake 'em there. From Auckland to... ...Cathedral square. (Cathedral Where?)... A TRAVEL COMPANY (this one from a contributor, but not known to me, yet) The bus-driver attempt to have the tourists recite the longest town name in NZ - ie. "Temata" (tomata) "whaka" (whakka) "tangiana" (tunnggiunnng) "ko-au-au" etc... NAPISAN My mum uses Napisan... Napisan? All the time... kills them natsy germs Where? ... you know where! FROSTY BOY (I can't actually remember exactly what sort of cold sweet cold thing this was!) Frosty Boy, Frosty Boy, The things he brings are packed with joy Your tastebuds will start to tingle When you hear his happy jingle. TOYOTA (still turning out great brand ads today) (with some American TV guy called XXX Davidson?) That's incredible BOURNVITA Better, better, better by far, Bournvita better by far. NZI INSURANCE ? Who stole the telly? (squawked by a parrot!) Who stole the telly? Morris was very depressed (cue jaws music) KIT KAT (I believe this was an Aussie ad shown here - an eagle eyed mate noticed the money is Aussie $) (Old couple working in ATM, sharing a Kit Kat; customer mis-keys PIN) there's that lovely young man again (ATM dispenses $ & KK Wrapper) PALMOLIVE SOAP Don't Wait to be told. You need PalmOlive Gold. TOYOTA (!?) eh,eh, Bruce-ie TOYOTA Barry Crump: Take a look at this one Scotty. Hop in, I'll give you a ride. Don't worry Scotty, they've got a good track in here now. Terrified Scotty: Er......Barry........... Barry Crump; Relax Scotty ( as truck goes up 45 degree hill)........... HELP - NO IDEA. It's worth a crack Nigel, Nigel? HELP - NO IDEA. Hey you, these are my burger rings, so why don't you just go home. Choice. FENCE PAINT?? "What happened to it?" "Fell off." "Still is" SNOWTEX TISSUES (Sneeze) Bless you!! There's no cleaner way, Snowtex wipes it away, sooooftleeeeeeee. DULUX HOUSE PAINT We know a house upon a hill painted with Dulux Timbacryl, Country colours, what a sight Red browns and greens and a clean clean white And the house on the hill is Timbacryl! BRUT33 AFTERSHAVE Adam and Eve used to get on swell 'Til Eve ribbed Adam about his smell Then Eve said "Adam, splash this on" And Autumn came and their leaves were gone... Where, where, where would you be without Brut 33 (Wasn't there also a bit featuring Napoleon & Josephine?) Upper Queen St, on the corner, And the number's 492. HIP-HI PANTYHOSE (is there any other sort?) Doesn't matter if you're 11 or 30 You're going to look so might purty In your long legged boots(?) And your itty bitty skirt And your hip-hi panty hose! (featuring the Hamilton County Bluegrass Band) TAN-OL (Tune: Lilli Bolero) To keep all your floors and furniture clean, Always use Tan-Ol Polishing Cream CHOYSA TEA Ask the man on the crane, Ask anybody the same, And you'll see they all agree on Choysa tea. ULTIMATE ELECTRICAL Ultimate, for TV and radio, Ultimate, for everything electrical, Pop-up toaster, tea and coffee done, Ironing is easy, and cooking is fun! When you fill your home with Ultimate. PERSIL LAUNDRY POWDER Someone's mum just doesn't know What someone's mum really ought to know. What someone's mum better get to know Is Persil washes whiter. HOLEPROOF SOCKS Everybody's wearing them, Holeproof Socks. MILK? A farmer called Murray is bringing his cows in, and one of the cows says "morning Murray" and he replies "morning girls". COLGATE TOOTHPASTE Tough teeth Mrs Marsh? XXX "Fluoride gets in like the liquid gets into this chalk" - "Oooooh, it really does get in!" EUROPA PETROL XXXXX Clean burning Europa XXXXX WILDERNESS CARAVANS The great indoors for the great outdoors (and a morepork hoots right at the end. PALMOLIVE SOAP Guy reaches under the sheet and finds a cake of soap... Guy "Any idea who might of put this in the bed" Girl "It's a cake of soap" Guy "Palmolive Gold" Girl "Oh" POLAR POP I'm the polar pop bear, polar pop, polar pop... AC DELCO Riding along in my automobile. My baby beside me at the wheel. AC Delco's where it's at. For plugs and points and thermostats. The only place you need to go. AC Delco XXXXXXXXX. RINSO SOAP POWDER Rinso Rinso What you gonna do-ee-oh Rinso Rinso Where you gonna go-ee-oh Rinso Rinso You're off down the road Off down the road To xxxxxxxxx -oh" CHOCOLATE BEANIES Don't be a meanie give us some beanies Acknowledgements: (Some sent one line or a single word correction, others sent 5 full scripts - thanks so much, one and all!!) Ray Cooper Reon & Sarah J Pete McGhee Gavin H Browne G Swain Redback Original Brian J Wholohan Megan Wilkins Andrew Collins Brendan Lochead Gerry Randall Tania JK Dean Lock Edward Brackenbury-Gray Mark (Clint the dog) Louise Seaver Brendon Tarrant Rochelle Laurence Geoff Hawke Brendan Marshall Kirsty Brown Pete Day Janet (&K) Norm Cole Sharleen & Chris Brian Wheatley Mark Jensen Dex Muir Chris Ogle S Williamson (Studio One) Angela Kokshoorn Justin Knight Tony Carmody Steve Meadows Weta (bugnz) Pene (Leadbeater?) Lee McArthur Ian Coad Lauren (Jazzfan) Rice Free (belly) Steph Phillips Barry Shepherd Stephanie Phillips - who performed the KFC ad at a conference! Simon Spearman "Bruce" (Anne Markey?) Vicki Jackways "law" Aaron Anderson Ross Penman Julia Carr Jim & Liz Fisher "Vipor256" Rachel Meyrick Peter Rameson Ben Cockcroft Heather Pointon Hazel Sinclair |