A folkie organizing Whare Flat Festival was frustrated by
the rampant bureaucracy of the Dunedin City Council.
In summer we sing folk songs, away out in
the country
Inside a great big tent at Whare Flat,
Though it's made of fireproof fabric, we have to get a permit
I said, "No problems, I'll take care of that."
I was going to the city, to see my dental surgeon
The permit I'd pick up when I was there,
The appointment was at 4, I reached town before 3.30
I was sure that I had tons of time to spare.
When I reached the Council building, there were rows of people
lined up
Given forms to fill and then were upstairs sent
So I queued for 20 minutes, but had to leave for my
appointment
Before I got the permit for our tent.
I took a day off work, went back early the next morning
The clerk handed out a 12-page form to me
She said " Pay four hundred dollars, and fill in all the
details
Then join the big long line on Level Three."
At the Council -- I am tied up in red
tape
At the Council -- is there no way to
escape?
I go round and round for hours, it is
just like Faulty Towers
Because Dunedin City Council loves red
tape.
Old Brian on Level Three said, "Your tent has no cross bracing
In a force eight quake no one would survive
But you can get that fixed up, with Tom the engineer bloke
Who works one day a week on Level Five"
When I met Tom four days later, he asked for my soil profile
"This sketch by Mike Moroney just won't do."
So I paid another hundred, to get it properly drafted
Then went and joined the line on Level Two
At the Council -- I am tied up in
red tape
At the Council -- is there no way to
escape?
I go round and round for hours, it is
just like Faulty Towers
Because Dunedin City Council loves red
tape.
Bruce Smith at Level Two said "Your tent is not compliant,"
He stamped my form and showed me out his door
"You've far too much cross-bracing, and it's blocking all the
exits
Go and sort that problem out on Level Four."
On Level Four I queued up, for a week to see sweet Alice
I was certain that she'd get my permit done
But she found my site plan faulty, it did not show the dunnies
Now I've got to start again at Level One.
At the Council -- I am tied up in
red tape
At the Council -- is there no way to
escape?
I go round and round for hours, it is
just like Faulty Towers
Because Dunedin City Council loves red
tape.
-- Dunedin Silly Council loves red tape!
Sean Manning's Lament
Sean is 'camp mother' for the midsummer
Dunedin folk festival at Whare Flat scout camp.
It was a surprise to discover that we needed a permit from
the Council to put up a tent. Admittedly, it is a big tent.
We were hiring it, as usual, for an annual music festival,
as we had been doing for decades, and were going, as usual,
to get it erected by the hire company at the Scout camp near
the city for an event over New Year.
On my first visit to the Council, on 28 November, I
discovered that the regulations had not changed, they just
had not been enforced in previous years. That was about to
change.
A very helpful chap confirmed the need for a permit and gave
me a neat package of forms to fill in, telling me I would
need a fire siren and exit signs and emergency procedures.
He also said that with an expected 20 working day turnover,
I was out of luck if I wanted it before Christmas, and the
Council were closed then until 6 January.
I must have looked a bit odd at that point so he suggested
that I fill in the form anyway and talk to C, a senior
person who would help with any difficulties. I decided to
talk to C before I left the building, so I asked the helpful
receptionist and was invited to take a seat while C came
down. I thought the fact that he lived upstairs was good. C
was indeed helpful, telling me to get the application lodged
and it would be alright. Someone would come and inspect the
site beforehand.
The forms, I discovered, were designed for builders, with
lots of check-lists about compliance codes that made little
sense to an amateur wanting to put up a tent. Nevertheless,
I filled in what I could and returned to the Council office.
On the second visit I found that I had filled the form
incorrectly. I was the agent, not the owner, and had to come
up with a figure for the value of the building work. I kept
thinking, "It's a tent, I don't know what it's worth, we are
hiring it."
The helpful chap suggested the cost of the hire would do,
and also said I needed plans of the site. The site was
enormous, 35 hectares, so we decided that a view downloaded
from Google Maps might serve. I also needed to show the
location of toilets, permanent and temporary, and indicate
whether they were wheelchair accessible, and show where the
nearest boundary was.
I thought of going out to the Scout camp with a very long
tape measure struggling through the bush to find the nearest
fence, but I was calmed by the suggestion that I just hazard
a guess. Off I went again.
On the map I found on the internet, I drew the tent as a
tiny square in the middle of a small paddock in the middle
of 35 hectares of bush. I used a Google calculator to
estimate that the nearest fence was two hundred meters away.
Back to the Council, feeling pretty good, with form, map and
EFTPOS card in hand. It was Friday at 2.30. I had an
appointment with the dental hygienist at 3.00. I thought
half an hour should do it.
The pleasant receptionist instructed me to sit on the bench
- a couple of single-bed sized black vinyl-covered surfaces.
Maybe people needed to lie down sometimes, I thought. There
were people in business-like conversations at all the desks.
I sat down beside another chap who was waiting. "Musical
chairs," he said. I asked him what he meant. He asked if I
had one of these, indicating a yellow sheet he was holding.
I said no, and he said then I had to go to that desk first,
get my yellow slip, then queue for this desk (the one he was
waiting for),then queue for the cashier. Musical chairs, he
said again. He was very calm, and obviously had been here
before, and I felt thankful that I had sat beside someone
who knew what was what. The purpose of the vinyl beds was
becoming clear. After waiting 15 minutes for the first desk,
realising a lot more than half an hour would be needed, I
left, intending to return later.
After the dental hygienist had cleaned me up, I returned to
the Council for the fourth time, with a renewed sense of
purpose. The first desk was free. I sat down and a very
helpful lady went through my form and my map. She said it
was good, but I needed two copies. Possibly noting a look on
my face, she offered to make another copy. It was only ten
pages.
Then I learned that we would need a site inspection after
the tent had been erected, and the exit signs and fire alarm
installed. When I said we were putting the tent up during a
holiday (I don't know why it is strange to put up a tent in
the holidays, but in this world, it is) there was a
consultation with colleagues and I was informed that the
inspection would go ahead but it would cost extra. I also
learned that there would be a permit, another certificate
when the site was inspected, and a third Compliance
Certificate when it was dismantled.
I had got my yellow slip and the next desk was by that time
free too, which I thought were good signs. First inspection,
then lodgement, two tasks, two people, two desks. This lady,
just as pleasant and helpful as everyone else, calculated
that the cost would be $425. No, wait a minute, $435 - an
extra $10 for the photocopying at a dollar a sheet. I
thought, the library next door charges 20 cents, but I
didn't say that. I though it would not be useful.
My EFTPOS card at the ready, I was directed to the cashier:
"Just pop over there and say who you are and they will give
you a receipt and then you can go." Three tasks, three
people, three desks: inspection, lodgement, payment. Musical
chairs - I was getting the hang of it.
As it turned out, I knew the cashier and it was nice to be
recognised and see a familiar face.
Actually, everyone I met at the Council was friendly,
helpful and encouraging. I don't have a bad word for any of
them. The thing is, I agree with exit signs, fire alarms,
all that. These things are useful, they really do make
everything safer and sometimes save lives. I have no problem
obeying a few simple rules. All I needed was information
about what to do.
The permit, however, does nothing to improve safety. By the
time I left the Council office that Friday, I had spoken to
6 different people over four visits, and spent several hours
getting information, filling in forms and waiting. None of
this improved anyone's safety. As to the cost, of course,
the time and energy of all those genuinely helpful people
costs money. I won't carp about the copying or the extra for
the inspection because it is a holiday. I don't know why
these regulations are now being so enthusiastically enforced
there has been a change in attitude. Maybe Christchurch
has something to do with it. We live in an age of increasing
regulation, and maybe that is a good thing, b
But really, six people, four visits, four hundred dollars,
for what? Give me a list of things to do, by all means come
and see that I have done them, but the permit, the
certificates, the forms, none of that adds to anybody's well
being.
Having learned a lot I emerged from the building that Friday
afternoon to find I had a $40 parking ticket. At that point
it seemed the most natural thing in the world.
United Breaks Guitars
I derived this from the protest song Dave Carroll wrote
about the red tape he encountered in the bureaucratic jungle
of United Airlines after his guitar was smashed when he flew
on that airline. Thanks Dave
